Making the Decision to Live at Home

So a big decision has been made. After months of job searching, soul searching, and financial analyses, I have made the decision to live at home with my parents until I go to law school. This choice brings my job search back to the Baltimore radius, but I think it may have its benefits. I have more connections and contacts here. My "who you know" is definitely more extensive here than anywhere else, so hopefully that means that I'll be offered a job at a place that suits my needs sometime soon. (I'm using every fiber of my being to optimistic. It's hard out here.)

I've been going back and forth about the benefits of living at home or trying to find employment elsewhere for some time now. I've talked to my parents, other family, and friends to get their advice. I've made numerous pros and cons lists. I have genuinely attempted to peer down into the depths of my soul to see what I truly wanted.

After a fight I had with my mother (classic, and I guess will become even more classic for the next couple years) we had a productive talk about, well, my life. We discussed the main reason I didn't want to live at home: lack of independence. As it stands now, I share a wall with my parents. It takes to long to get to places from our house that your typical 22 year old would want to visit. I am jobless, therefore essentially penniless, so if I want something that is not already in my home I have to ask my parents to buy it for me.

These are just not the conditions I wanted to experience after college. But my mother so wisely reminded me that these conditions are not permanent. They're temporary until I have a job. Then, I will be able to finally feel like I have more control in my life. I'll be able to start paying off my student loans, get a car, prepare for putting myself through law school, and be able to do things with my friends again like I used to and not turn down trips to the aquarium because I can't afford it (real life struggles).

The most economically pressing items in that list are student loans from undergraduate school and the future student loans I will accrue while attending law school. When I took a look at the thousands and thousands of dollars my education has and will cost me, it was clear that spending money on an apartment, groceries, wifi, and other things of that nature just wasn't the best idea.

It's true some of my friends have made the leap of living on their own, and I definitely envy their independence and gusto, however, each situation is different. Not all of my friends have student loans. Not all of my friends are planning to put themselves through law school in the near future. So it was important that I took a step back and stopped comparing my life to other people's and really focused on what would be best for me.

I also thought about the fact that a lot of people in their early 20's perfect the art of scraping by and miraculously managing to make ends meet. Not only can I not stomach the thought of being that destitute after being AmeriCorps and living life below the poverty line, but I know that that caliber of a hard time is guaranteed to be ahead me when I finance my way through law school. It seems the best option is to save money so that the me of a few years from now can look back and thank the current me for making the decision to be fiscally responsible in exchange for some personal liberties.

Now that I've fully committed to being at home, I can stop treating my time here as a transitional period and really settle in. I started to redecorate my room when I first came back from AmeriCorps but I stopped because I kept telling myself that I wouldn't be here for long so it didn't matter. But now I've joined the gym with my mother, and I'll be taking over most of the grocery shopping, so I can be in charge of getting my family's health back on track, which is something that I'm really excited about. So even though I still want to explore and experience living long term in another city that isn't Baltimore, I still have those options ahead of me. I don't know where law school will take me, so that's an adventure that I can look forward to. For now, I'm going to put my best foot forward and try to capitalize on my home field advantage.

P.S. My parents are trying to play it cool, but they are ridiculously ecstatic. I told y'all, they sweat me, haha.

Living with the Parents: Is It Worth It?

Like many 20-somethings, I have been grappling with the benefits and limitations of living at home with my parents. On one hand, it's free shelter, free food, free wifi, and free cable. Also, my parents sweat me pretty hard, so it's nice getting bear hugs and having someone tell you you're pretty every day. These things are nice for the self esteem and also for the recent college graduate looking for a job.

On the other hand, I share a wall with my parents. As you can imagine, sometimes this is not pleasant. Also, I am typically stuck in my house because I am car-less. Long story short - my parked car, Scar, named after Simba's uncle, was hit by a police car that was chasing some fool. The replacement car that was purchased was sent to my family in Nigeria, so obviously I was not going to be a brat and complain that I wasn't given another car. My parents were kind enough to get me a car in high school, so if I want another one, I'll get it myself. 

If I end up getting a job in Baltimore and continue living at home, a car is pretty necessary. There are a whopping 3 bus lines that are near my house. In order to get anywhere that a person would actually desire to go, it takes about an hour. So then you have to decide whether or not you are willing to spend an entire hour riding to a place that is a 13 minute drive away. I am usually not willing. Especially when it's cold as the dickens outside. 

This means that I basically leave my house when one of my friends or cousins is willing to scoop me (read: save me). Or my parents. But I see my parents all the time. I've now been home for about 2 and 1/2 months. Since high school graduation the only time that I've lived at home for this amount of time is summer vacation, which is the case for most 20-somethings. The 3 month marker is coming up in a couple weeks. Can my adult self survive in this environment past that point? 

You may be wondering why I speak of this environment as something that I need to escape. I've got the perfect set up right? Wrong. My parents have repeatedly told me they can't help but to think of me as a 15 year old girl. I think it's my cheeks. They're adorable, and that's just not my fault. The point is, I don't think this is a natural set up. I believe I've reached a point where I should be able to function on my own. I don't think I can really start my growing up process if I don't get out there and figure things out for myself. Especially considering the fact that I went to college in my hometown (though I did live on campus) and my time in AmeriCorps was cut short due to my inability let myself continue to endure torture, I really do need to get out on my own. 

The weary adult (my parents, older cousins, aunts, uncles, etc...) is continuously imploring how financially rewarding it would be for me to live at home for a few years and save some money. I totally understand the concept, but I truly believe my mental health might suffer if I continue to live at home. Ultimately it is my adult decision that I must make by myself - stay at home and save money, or move out and finally be on my own. I am so grateful to have my parents as a support system, and I don't know where I would be today if not for their support throughout my entire life. But in my brain, my current situation is a temporary one, and I think that's the way it has to be. 

Will I kick myself years down the road? Will my need for independence and liberation end up hindering me? I know no one can really answer that for me, and I can't either. It's just a chance I have to be willing and ready to take.