23 = 1 Year Out

It's been over a month since I've written a post! I keep coming up with ideas for things to write about but I keep getting distracted by fun and responsibility - maybe that's a good thing. I celebrated my 23rd birthday last week and still have 8 days left of this glorious month of May, aka Birthday Month. 23 is an odd age, and people don't usually see it as important or exciting. I'm not sure if it's my infatuation with my birthday that allows me to see a significance in this age, regardless I think it's an interesting point in a young adult's life.

Yesterday I attended the Johns Hopkins University undergraduate commencement ceremony. That sentence seems slightly pretentious, but I think I'm just gonna leave it. Some of my best friends from college are in the JHU class of 2014 and I felt like such a proud mama seeing them walk across that stage just as I did this time last year. Though yesterday was clearly about them and their success, I couldn't help but to reflect on myself 1 year out of college, 1 year with my Bachelor's degree. I thought about my dazed sense of glory on that hot morning last year, smiling for an endless array of pictures with my cap barely clinging to my 'fro. As people shook hands with President Daniels, I recalled with pride the way I casually grabbed his elbow in such a familiar sense, as if he were in fact, my homeboy. Let's be real, he wasn't, but I wanted a good photo opp and I am proud to say, I set that up quite nicely.

Three graduates in the middle of this loving line-up. My first class of babies to graduate - such a proud moment!

A whole year later there I was, at an event I had originally planned to miss. Since I signed up to be in AmeriCorps through the first week of June, I had braced myself to miss Homecoming, Spring Fair, graduations of all sorts, proms, birthdays, and general spring delights and outings. But luckily since I escaped my Iowan hell-hole, I was able to go to all of those events this spring, and the ones still to come. Tonight I even get to see my baby cousin go to her senior prom. I call her my baby because she's the first baby I really remember holding and loving. I remember being in the hospital the day she was born when I was 5, hence she's my baby.

But aside from the niceties of it all, graduation season has made me reflect on myself and what progress I have or have not made since 2013. You see, the majority of people who graduate from college are 23, just like me, when they reach this point of reflection, and that's why I think 23 is relevant. I am a planner, especially for long term goals. My day to day doesn't have to go exactly one way, but there are certain markers that I have set for my future and I plan on reaching them. In order to achieve that, there are certain plans that I have developed. One of those plans was AmeriCorps. I had never intended on entering the entry level job force after graduation. I knew that I wanted to complete an entire year or two of uninterrupted community service and go straight into law school. I had been thinking about resigning from AmeriCorps in October and started looking for jobs so that I could have something lined up when I got home. A call with my parents telling me I wasn't a quitter, quelled my job search at that point. When I officially decided to quit in December it was more of an abrupt I've-reached-my-breaking-point-I-can't-stay-here-another-second decision as opposed to a more calculated and thought out decision which is my typical mode of operation.

That being said, when I came back home, my system was in shock. I definitely had some sort of PTSD and needed to recover from the craziness that endured, so the first month that I was home was spent hugging my bed, hugging my refrigerator, hugging my parents, hugging my friends, and hugging freedom. That last part seems dramatic but I really mean that.

I'm still applying to jobs, trying to break into the legal field. My biggest problem is that I didn't decide on this life path until near the end of my senior year of college. I got an internship with a medical legal partnership right after graduation but it only lasted for a summer because I left for AmeriCorps. I don't necessarily have an adequate amount of experience to work at some of the bigger, well known firms in Baltimore. And there lies the Catch 22, how do I land the experience if I don't get a job to give me said experience.

So at this point my concern becomes money and eliminating gaps on my resume. I'm now working with a temp agency in Baltimore! There is a also a legal branch within this company, so fingers crossed that a temp-to-hire position becomes available for me in the near future. I'm happy to be working with this temp agency but when people ask me what I'm doing with my life, I still wish I could tell them I have a job with a salary and am truly putting my JHU Bachelor's to good use. I'm officially taking the LSAT in September and applying to law school this fall, so I know that I have that to look forward to, but I don't want to come off as any kind of disappointment or failure. I know, I know, it doesn't matter what other people think. But I have to be honest with myself, and I do care, even though I wish I didn't. I know that I am doing my best and working hard to get a job I can be proud of, but I'm not going to say that to every person who asks me what I'm up to these days. I just tell them I'm working with a temp agency and studying for the LSAT and hope to not stir up any judgment.

I know that "judgment" isn't something that I should be worried about, and honestly I think most of any disapproval that I sense probably comes from me. I have always had very high expectations of myself. Those expectations faltered a little in college when I realized the pre-med was not the right path for me and they faltered again when I quit AmeriCorps and attempted to forge my way into the working world. I need to work on my resiliency when it comes to big picture plans, but that's not a feat I can achieve over night. I'm sure I'm not alone in this struggle, although it's going to be a hard one.

On the bright side though, 23 has brought me many o' good times. My friends have been my rock through this tricky transition process of living back at home with my parents and being broke as a joke. I cherish my friends and am so lucky to have them. Being an only child, I really do view my close friends as my sisters - they will be the closest I ever get to having any. Just knowing that my friends are always happy to have me around, happy to be my refuge when I need to escape my parents house, willing to let me vent about rejected applications, is such a blessing and I have no idea how I would survive without them. A year out of college I've learned that my college friends were not my friends out of convenience (as we all lived within a 5 block radius of one another) but they were people that were truly close to my heart. At 23 I've learned that friendships that started when I was 6 years old are still thriving and loving, and that's a beautiful thing.

This time next year (according to my extended life plan) I'll know what law school I'll be attending. That's my expected trajectory for 24, but hey if 23 has taught me anything, I have to accept that that may change. And I guess that's okay.

I've got a lot of things I want to write about soon, because I've been witnessing and experiencing some questionable and eye-opening things. So I can't wait to write it all down. Stay tuned. <--- I said that as if a lot of people are reading this, because maybe if I pretend like a lot of people are reading this then they will? Haha, it doesn't even matter, I'm thankful if even one person decides to read any of my posts. So thank you for the person (or people) that made it this far down the page!