So this is kind of random and I'm not sure if it fits in the context of my blog, but I tried to make my blog broad enough that I could essentially write about anything I desired. About a month ago I witnessed a drug deal. It all went down on the bus in the seats right next to and across from me. The players involved: older man who was not accurately exemplifying that Black don't crack, and two young students (a couple) who looked like they couldn't have been any older than 14 or 15.
I first noticed the young couple because they were holding hands in a way that is too much before 8 am. Out of the corner of my eye I saw their entangled hands get closer to the boy's crotch and just as I was about to look one of them in the eyes and roll mine, I noticed how absolutely striking they were. They were just two beautiful human specimens. I then had a quick day dream where I imagined their future beautiful lives together. I have quick day dreams a lot, they last about 5 seconds. Don't worry it's not creepy. So anyway, they calmed their gross hands down and I went back to listening to my music and pretending that I was on a spaceship (that's what I do in the bus so I don't have to accept the reality that I'm a prisoner on a hell wagon.)
Then a scraggly man plopped down next to me. Growing up in the city, you learn to spot the druggies, the winos, the generally unstable. One can usually differentiate the scary ones from the harmless ones. Too much sweeping generalization? Well it's true, mama always told me to be aware of my surroundings and evaluating the people around me is part of that assessment. So the scraggly man sat down next to me, he didn't smell that delightful, and he was kind of rambling loudly, did not have the appearance of your average upstanding citizen, but he seemed relatively harmless. I hope these are my actual first impressions of this man, but I'm sure they're tainted by what I saw him do, so bear with me.
The boy of the beautiful couple across from me, seemed to make a quick judgment of the scraggly man as well - he assumed he was someone who buy drugs from a teenager before 8 am on a public bus on a school day. The boy asked the man if he "fucked with" something with one eyebrow cocked. I couldn't hear what the something was and the man responded incoherently. Well I guess just incoherently to me. I turned my music down to volume 1. I couldn't decide if I actually wanted to hear what was happening. The boy asked the man if he wanted whatever the indecipherable sketchy thing was right now. Then the man asked the boy if he had change. The boy didn't, so he asked his girlfriend. She had a really pained look in her eyes but no shock, so this wasn't a first time thing. Apparently this was a casual part of their relationship. I can't even imagine what I would do at age 14 if my boyfriend asked me to give him money to help him facilitate a drug deal. I can't imagine what I would do at age 14 if I found out my boyfriend was dealing drugs. On a bus. In front of dozens of people. I was straight up staring at this girl through my sun glasses. I wanted to help her or something? I wanted to help the boy too. It always pains me when I see Black youth doing something stupid because we all know how easy it is for young black people to become just another statistic. My parents really like the phrase "don't give anyone a reason." Essentially it means don't give anyone a reason to treat you less than you're worth because you're already starting at a social disadvantage being Black and being a woman. I wonder if these kids parents had ever told them that. Obviously I'm not perfect, I've given people reasons, but I at least have tried to steer clear of the illegal ones.
I peeped over and saw that the drug was some kind of pill but it was wrapped in a pink baggy so I didn't get a good look. But that doesn't really matter I guess. A big part of me wanted to ask these kids why they were being so stupid. But you can't do that in Baltimore. You try and nurture the wrong kid and you'll end up cursed out or cut up. So I kept my mouth shut. I wish I had been an old lady, so I could have said "Lawwwwd Jesus, what is this world coming to??" Because old ladies can say whatever they want.
I find that happening to me a lot, the desire to nurture the youth. When I see a girl on the bus whose dress is about to expose her baby maker, I want to say "honey, you can't dress like that in public" because clearly no one has told her or hasn't told her enough or maybe she needs to hear it from more people.
Riding the bus around Baltimore has forced me to look at problems I knew were there but maybe hadn't specifically witnessed first hand. One of the stops along my route to work is right in front of a methadone clinic. I wonder if the clinic is really making a difference. I see a lot of young mothers with multiple children and even more bags and have no idea how they do it. There's usually a few people on the bus every couple days or so who makes me wonder if they are receiving the mental health treatment they need and deserve. This is not meant to be demeaning. Mental health issues typically stir up negative connotations because of the stigma associated. Coming from a public health perspective, I know that people in Baltimore are not getting adequate mental health and that just doesn't make sense to me.
As shady as ole Balty can be sometimes, it's my heart. As soon as I'm out of this selfish rut (read: I'm studying for the LSAT, I literally cannot be bothered by anything else besides work, food, sleep, and the occasional dose of fun), then I am going to work on trying to come up with a solution for the problems I see. I think Baltimore needs a fresh pair of eyes to guide it back to its former glory. Let's not forget Baltimore is one of the oldest cities in America. It's a port city, so back in the day it used to be poppin, if you will.
So even though I absolutely detest riding the bus every day, mostly because of the time, it has its benefits because it gives me time to observe and reflect on life. I've discovered that if 23 is about anything it's definitely about reflection and finding time to do it, since your whole life is ahead of you. It's a pretty big deal, so as scary as it is, you've gotta think about it and assess what things are really important to you.
The drug deal boy was actually on the bus this morning. He was sitting at the back of the bus looking like an adorable lamb who wanted to be something more formidable. I looked at him as if to say, "Hey buddy, I hope you're not still dealing drugs and I hope you're on your way to your summer job, or math camp, or your friends house for a wholesome day of basketball and video games." I hope he got all that.
