Self-image and Selfies and Such

Hello again friends. I hope all is well.

I've started writing a new blog post approximately eleven times this year.......

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about self image and how we want other people to see us. Respect is the major theme in all of this. Respect for ourselves and the respect we think we deserve or do not deserve from those around us. I've been thinking about it mostly in terms of physical image as well as... I guess the most accurate term would be status? I'm not sure about that, I might come up with something better and replace it, but for right now that's all I got.

I can't decide if social media and smartphones have unearthed immeasurable amounts of vanity or low-esteem. The "selfie" mode on my phone is actually called "beauty face," which I find hilarious, but I guess it's a nice pick me up. I really just can't believe we are living at a time where people take pictures of their own faces and upload them expecting other people to tell them how attractive they look. They put some dumb caption like "just me" to feign an air of casualness. Alert: you are not being casual. At. All.

I hesitated briefly writing about this because I thought men wouldn't want to read about it. But then I thought, there probably aren't that many men reading my blog. And if they are, then I guess they are okay with my "girlish" topics. But is this really a girlish topic? Because there are a way too many men in this world taking pictures of themselves at the gym, standing in front of weights they're not actually going to pick up... because they can't...

Admittedly there was a time in my life when I took selfies in a serious nature. This was before it was the phenomenon it is now. And, I was a 14 year old girl. So of course I was taking pictures of my face alone in my room when I got new sunglasses, or when I put on new lip gloss, or when I thought my boobies were worthy of three sassy finger snaps. Because I was a 14 year old girl. Full of insecurities, accessories as one of my biggest concerns, and nothing better to do because I already finished my homework before volleyball practice.

Why are people so anxious to have people they're not even close with confirm their beauty by clicking "like". Cool you got 98 likes on your selfie. You only talk to 4 of those people. What about affirmation from mere acquaintances gets people so excited?

Now don't get it twisted, anyone who knows me knows I am oh so accepting of a compliment. When you see my locs all wavy instead of just straight, it's because I spent extra hour doing my hair that week, so.... throw a sista some praise, and I will accept it graciously, knowing that my arduous labor has been appreciated and admired. But also, I do that because I like the way it looks when it's wavy. It's not just so someone can tell me it's pretty, it's so that when I look at it, I can say "Damngurllll" to myself. Yes, I really do say that to myself.

When a person posts a selfie that's not funny or at least serving as a record as something momentous like new bangs or 11 months growing out her locs then I just do not understand.. (if it wasn't obvious, those are the two non-funny selfies I myself have posted after my teen narcissism years.)  Don't even try to say you're just posting it to post it. You know you would be hella upset if you didn't get your desired amount of "likes." But why though? Who decided that this is the ultimate form of validation?

But I guess validation is better than the alternative. We can just be so hard on ourselves and sometimes, unknowingly, on each other. Everyone has something that they think they can work on, even if they have all the self confidence in the world. Once a friend told me she was surprised that I felt comfortable with my profile picture choice because the other girl in the picture was so gorgeous, and that she wouldn't be brave enough to do the same thing. She caught herself immediately, and told me that obviously I was pretty too. But it was already said. I knew she wasn't intentionally trying to offend me, but it still stung. I felt like I got suckered into an insecurity that wasn't mine.

Similarly, once a friend stated that "we" weren't as pretty as another one of our friends. And I almost said something, I didn't though. I think I just made one of those neutral sounds. Because it's one thing to put another woman on a pedestal and decide that your own looks don't measure up to hers, but to also rope someone else into that defeated mind frame, I don't think that's fair. I guess it's easier to be gloomy with company, but yuck. I just wasn't raised to declare that people are prettier than me. I know there are standards of beauty in this country that people often try to emulate (if possible) and when along comes a peer who seems to embody that standard it is easy to glorify him or her. But check yourself.

These little remarks often go undetected but when they are heard and actually processed, there is serious damage potential. I'm sure reading those little anecdotes may have triggered a memory of a similar incident that you've had, and seriously, my sincerest apologies if I was the culprit. I think it's just something we should be a little more conscious of. Because these interaction are happening with people we actually like. I'm not even going to delve into those classless, unkempt fools we can't stand. Not sure I'm mature enough to approach that at the current moment haha.

I mentioned status before, as another part of self image that we want to be viewed in the most agreeable light. I guess I'm looking at it from a socio-economic standpoint. For example, I've never been to public school, and at times when observing the Baltimore City Public School system, one can understand why my parents didn't let that happen. As an undergrad at Hopkins, when people found out I was a Baltimore native, they'd ask if I went to Poly or Western (public magnet schools). Offended, I'd respond that I went to Bryn Mawr, a private school. Most of my offense did not stem from the fact that they thought I went to public school, but a lot of people assumed that the only reason that Black kids from Baltimore got into Hopkins was because they went to public school so Hopkins just let them in. I'm stating that because multiple informed that that is what they believed, I'm not making this stuff up. I wanted to erase that thought from the jump. I worked as hard as anyone else to get into that school, and nothing was handed to me. Not that anything was handed to the students enrolled through the Baltimore Scholars program, but I just didn't appreciate the assumption.

I actually feel like that whole topic could be another post on its own to be really real. So now I have a jumping off point for my next ditty, or maybe not because my mind can be spastic so I'll probably want to write about something else. I guess this is actually a shorter post, but I have things to do. Like study for the GRE (shoot me in the face). Studying again?? I know crazy right. Too many ambitions over here. Ha. Also, disclaimer, I only proofread this like 1.5 times....

Peace out, girl scouts.