Reunions and Such

With my college homecoming 2 weeks away and my 5 year high school reunion in a little over a month, I thought it would be appropriate to write about what I'm thinking as these occasions approach. I've changed, my friends have changed, relationships have changed. There's always some kind of reunion episode on your favorite sitcom, because it's such a dynamic part of life. So many emotions, so many feelings. Oh the drama haha.

First let's talk about my 5 year high school reunion. This makes me feel old. I know, I know, I'm not actually "old." I'm still 22 (really almost 23). But 5 years! 5 years since high school?!? That just seems like crazy talk. Unlike a lot of people I know, I had a fabulous time in high school. I got good grades, I played a lot of sports (which accounts for the great shape I was in then, but now not so much), I was a bit of a social butterfly but I still had a great group of best friends. Also senior year I had a car, so I was truly living the life. I still reminisce fondly over Prom, especially Senior Prom because I rocked that yellow gown. I was definitely on top of the world, or at least I was in the eyes and world of a 17 year old girl.

Me, having the time of my life at prom. I told you, I love prom.

I went to an all girls school. We were expected to be excellent in all senses of the word. Though it made us strive to be our best, it also brought out the worst in us. The prime example of that was college application time. We had a white board in our Senior room, a place where we could just hang out on gross couches, not bothered by teachers or underclassmen. Usually the white board was filled with nonsense, but once spring time rolled around, each senior's name was written on the board with a dash next to it. The empty space next to your name was for you to write the name of the college you planned on attending. There was a memorable uproar over the Early Action decision from Georgetown. Of course half of the girls in our grade applied to Georgetown. Of course at the time, that was my number one choice. When we found out only girl had been accepted Early Action, she promptly told us that it was her safety school. I don't think I need to explain why that was horrible and rude. Someone was always finding out you got accepted into her dream school that put her on the wait list. There were all these fake "congratulations" being thrown about, but it really meant "I hate you, even though I've known you since first grade, and I'm green with envy, but I'm going to bare my teeth enough to feign plastering on a fake smile and pretend to be happy for you."

So as you can imagine, if we were that competitive then, I anticipate this reunion being even more of a competition. Who's working where? Who's getting what degree? Dear Lord, I hope you graduated from undergrad, if not the smirks will be present, unless you have a good excuse like a gap year. Who has a serious boyfriend and might be getting engaged soon? Who's already engaged? Who's already MARRIED? I'm anticipating a big white board with my name written on it, with the expectation that I'll fill in all my noteworthy accomplishments after the dash. I'm crossing my fingers that I'll be employed by then, I still have a little over a month. Repeatedly telling people you are unemployed is not fun. Even though I'll probably preface it by saying that I enrolled in AmeriCorps for 4 months after graduation and it was the worst experience of my life, it still isn't where I'd like to be, or where I saw myself, 5 years after high school graduation.

So in addition to the competitive, professional aspect, there is the social aspect. Do I actually want to see these people? For the most part, the answer is yes. In high school I was essentially friends with at least one person in every clique in our grade. Yes there were cliques. Cliques are established in every situation ever, and if someone tells you differently, he or she is lying is lying to you and his or herself. So there are people that I was good enough friends with high school that I haven't seen since graduation. It's hard to keep up with people who aren't your best friends when you go off to college. It's hard to keep up with your best friends from high school when you go off to college.

Then there are the people who you were best friends with in high school but you're not best friends anymore or even friends at all, but not on purpose. I guess sometimes you just fall out of friendship. (Like falling out of love, but platonic). What do you do when you see those people? You'll have to talk to them like a pedestrian. Like any other person from your class, because you don't really know anything about their lives from past 5 years. But if anyone asks you about that person's life from 2005 - 2009, you know every detail without skipping a beat. It's so strange. But hey, relationships change and people change, and if you both can accept that, then that's all anyone can ask for, I guess. There are some friends that I have gone months and months maybe even years without speaking to, but when we do reunite, we just pick up where we left off and it's seamless and easy. These are people I considered some of my best friends, not my best best friend. I think falling out of friendship with your best best friend is harder to float back into after separation because you never thought that was a relationship that would ever falter. There is more emotion tied to it. A bigger and deeper connection was severed, therefore harder to piece back together, and maybe when it's broken like that, it's not meant to be restored to its original state.

There are also the people you would just rather not see. I don't believe that any human being is honestly capable of liking every person he or she meets. Inevitably, in high school there were some people that I did not care for. I didn't have any archenemies or anything dramatic like that, mostly because I was pretty amiable on the outside. I didn't see the point in letting every girl know when I was ready to kick her in the neck, unless it was completely necessary haha. So for the most part, I got along with everyone. But you know that feeling of sweet relief when you graduate from high school? 1. Because you finally did it. 2. That annoying girl who was always just around (and you couldn't figure out why people kept inviting her places because she irritated the bejeezus out of everyone), you didn't have to deal with her anymore!! Au contraire mon frere, it's the 5 year reunion. She's back! If you're lucky you only had one person you felt that way about, but I have a couple. And I'm pleasant so they will talk to me. I know that sounds really horrible, but I'm just keeping it real haha. Unfortunately we don't live in a society where it's acceptable to tell people you dislike them and that you'd rather not talk to them. I know that would be terrible thing to say, but just imagine how much happier you'd be if you could casually dismiss people in social situations who make you want to punch them. A girl can dream, right?

This is a picture of me and my friend Ruth-Ann circa 2008. She's still one of my best friends, I just love this picture and think it's a perfect examples of facial expressions that will be rampant during our 5 year reunion. Also, I hope you enjoy this look at how I used to dress myself in high school.

Alright now on to Hopkins homecoming. Yes homecoming is in the spring because of lacrosse. It's a Baltimore thing, we like lacrosse here. The spring concert for my a cappella group also happens to be on homecoming weekend. I feel less pressure about these events than I do for my high school events. Though I don't have a job yet (but hey, who knows, maybe by then I will?), I almost feel like I just left college. This may be because I try to pretend like AmeriCorps never happened and sucked 4 months out of my life that I'll never get back, who can be sure? This reunion is also on a much larger scale. My high school class was about 85 people, my Hopkins class was about 1,200 and this isn't a reunion for just us, it's homecoming and young alumni weekend, meaning everyone who graduated in the last 5 years is still considered a young alum. I know how these weekends go. If I can be frank, people just get drunk and reminisce about old times.

Make no mistake, professional and educational standings will come up, but in my case I don't think I'll feel as compelled to seem impressive at this point in my life with my college crowd. Half of the people from my class in high school I have known since I was 6 years old. My school has a day care, which they pretentiously call the "Infant and Toddler Center," so you can attend Bryn Mawr from birth until college in Pennsylvania. Since I feel like those people know a different side of me, they'll be expecting something specific. Whereas college folk, they were there for the nitty gritty, when I went from teenager to young adult. They saw me at the beginning of the "life is hard" realization point, so their standards may be different.

But to be completely honest, at the end of the day it doesn't technically matter what people think. I can't help to think about it, but I recognize that it doesn't really make a difference. I know I'm doing the best I can with my life and that's enough for me. I can't always be on top of the world - but that's up to my own definition, not someone else's. So overall, I'm excited! I'm not sure if I conveyed that haha. But April at Hopkins is always fun (t - 25 days until Spring Fair!!), and I refuse not have fun in May because it's my birthday month (WOO). My main goal for these reunions, therefore, is to have fun. I'm 22, so fun, along with somewhat trying to be an adult, should be my focus, so that's how I'm gonna play it.

I also wanted to talk briefly about a deeper layer of reunions and friendships and all that jazz. Friendships inevitably change, and I'm slowly learning to be okay with that. Someone who is your best friend today may not be your best friend in 2 years. Since I can remember, I've always been in multiple circles of best friends. When I was in elementary school I was in 2 separate but very close knit groups, and being the social butterfly that I was, I had a new best best friend every month. The same pattern continued in middle school, but in high school I kept my best best friendships to a minimum. I only stayed in regular contact with a handful of my friends from high school when I went to college, but I think that's natural. It would be exhausting to keep up casual friendships with people you no longer see every day. I met some of my best friends in college as well, and after graduation the same filtering effect took place. It's just not that easy to keep in constant communication with people when you don't see them in the quad or in class. But now that I've graduated from college, I have my best friends from high school and my best friends from college. Two big circles, and some little ditties on the side haha.

When I think about my parents, and their friends it makes me wonder who I'll still be best friends with in 20 years. My dad has one best friend from college that he still talks to, Uncle Mike. Uncle Mike is his best friend, and my dad is his. I was a flower girl in Uncle Mike's wedding, the whole shabang. My mom had a best friend circle from high school and they all went to college together, but she had one friend, Aunt Rose, who was her best best friend and she was hers. So I guess that's how I view what a best friend is. An equal agreement that you are each other's number one's. It's almost like you're dating, because everyone knows and respects it, and you both know. I'm not sure why I put so much stock in being someone's best best friend as opposed to one of someone's best friends, but I do. And I do know that you can't view and treat a person as your best best friend if you're only one of his or her best friends, it just doesn't work. Don't get me wrong, I am honored and grateful to have all of the best friends that I have. They are each very special to me and I have no idea how I would function without them. But sometimes I can't help but to think about how that filtering process will pan out when I get to be my parents' age (late 40's early 50's). Maybe I'll be different, but I don't know many people my parents' age with 10 best friends.

So anyway, those are just the things I've been thinking about as reunion time rolls around. I'm realizing I kind of treat this blog like a journal, and I think I'm into it. I think this might be one of my longer ones, so I'm just gonna stop typing now.

Making the Decision to Live at Home

So a big decision has been made. After months of job searching, soul searching, and financial analyses, I have made the decision to live at home with my parents until I go to law school. This choice brings my job search back to the Baltimore radius, but I think it may have its benefits. I have more connections and contacts here. My "who you know" is definitely more extensive here than anywhere else, so hopefully that means that I'll be offered a job at a place that suits my needs sometime soon. (I'm using every fiber of my being to optimistic. It's hard out here.)

I've been going back and forth about the benefits of living at home or trying to find employment elsewhere for some time now. I've talked to my parents, other family, and friends to get their advice. I've made numerous pros and cons lists. I have genuinely attempted to peer down into the depths of my soul to see what I truly wanted.

After a fight I had with my mother (classic, and I guess will become even more classic for the next couple years) we had a productive talk about, well, my life. We discussed the main reason I didn't want to live at home: lack of independence. As it stands now, I share a wall with my parents. It takes to long to get to places from our house that your typical 22 year old would want to visit. I am jobless, therefore essentially penniless, so if I want something that is not already in my home I have to ask my parents to buy it for me.

These are just not the conditions I wanted to experience after college. But my mother so wisely reminded me that these conditions are not permanent. They're temporary until I have a job. Then, I will be able to finally feel like I have more control in my life. I'll be able to start paying off my student loans, get a car, prepare for putting myself through law school, and be able to do things with my friends again like I used to and not turn down trips to the aquarium because I can't afford it (real life struggles).

The most economically pressing items in that list are student loans from undergraduate school and the future student loans I will accrue while attending law school. When I took a look at the thousands and thousands of dollars my education has and will cost me, it was clear that spending money on an apartment, groceries, wifi, and other things of that nature just wasn't the best idea.

It's true some of my friends have made the leap of living on their own, and I definitely envy their independence and gusto, however, each situation is different. Not all of my friends have student loans. Not all of my friends are planning to put themselves through law school in the near future. So it was important that I took a step back and stopped comparing my life to other people's and really focused on what would be best for me.

I also thought about the fact that a lot of people in their early 20's perfect the art of scraping by and miraculously managing to make ends meet. Not only can I not stomach the thought of being that destitute after being AmeriCorps and living life below the poverty line, but I know that that caliber of a hard time is guaranteed to be ahead me when I finance my way through law school. It seems the best option is to save money so that the me of a few years from now can look back and thank the current me for making the decision to be fiscally responsible in exchange for some personal liberties.

Now that I've fully committed to being at home, I can stop treating my time here as a transitional period and really settle in. I started to redecorate my room when I first came back from AmeriCorps but I stopped because I kept telling myself that I wouldn't be here for long so it didn't matter. But now I've joined the gym with my mother, and I'll be taking over most of the grocery shopping, so I can be in charge of getting my family's health back on track, which is something that I'm really excited about. So even though I still want to explore and experience living long term in another city that isn't Baltimore, I still have those options ahead of me. I don't know where law school will take me, so that's an adventure that I can look forward to. For now, I'm going to put my best foot forward and try to capitalize on my home field advantage.

P.S. My parents are trying to play it cool, but they are ridiculously ecstatic. I told y'all, they sweat me, haha.

Leaving People Behind

Today I thought I'd write about leaving friends and family behind. Unlike the majority of my best friends from high school, I stayed home in good ole' Balty for college. I initially had no intention of staying in my hometown for college but I didn't want to pass up the opportunity to go to Johns Hopkins, and I'm glad I didn't. I met some of the best people I know there, who have definitely helped shape my life, so I definitely don't regret my decision.

But now college is over, and most of my high school best friends are back. So, not only do I have those people here, but also most of my best friends from college. They're either finishing up senior year, working in Baltimore, or working in DC. On top of that, my parents are here, in the home I grew up in, along with a big part of my extended family. That being said, I have a large network of support in the Baltimore/DC area, so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised when people don't understand why I would want to live elsewhere. 

Two of my little cousins that I get see almost every week! So much cuteness.

The thing is, I never got to leave. I never got to experience that independence, which is weird for me, because in general I am a very independent person. I like to do things on my own just to prove to myself that I can. When I was little, I didn't like my parents to help me with my homework because I wanted to be a big girl and do it by myself. We're talking "draw the shapes" homework a la kindergarten '96. But that's when it started, and I'm still the same way. 

Even though I loved my experience at Hopkins, I did always envy my friends who got to experience living in a different city. They got to know a different culture and way of life. Technically, I did too, because Hopkins is definitely its own entity. Hopkins' Baltimore and the Baltimore I grew up in are two different spheres, but the fact remained, my house was 15 minutes away and my high school was 9. 

Some of my girls from college =)

I think having my mother as the voice of my subconscious (terrifying, but true) is enough for me to take some time living away from my parents. My mother would be all too happy if I landed a job in DC or Baltimore just in case I "need her." I think that kind of proximity will be an important function of our relationship later in our lives, when either of us are at a point of needing true assistance (when I have kids or perhaps she actually starts to get old), but for now I think it's okay for us to be separate when we're both highly functional haha. Also, New York is a 3.5 hour drive, so really, I'm not aiming to go that far away. 

By moving to New York, I would be leaving behind my high school best friends, some of my best friends from college and my family, but I would also have a chance to build on relationship with my friends who already live in New York. I think that is an important part of me making a transition there because I already have friends there to make it a little bit easier. 

But still, it's going to be hard. I had lots of "fear of missing out" when I was in AmeriCorps, but I think that was severely amplified by the fact that I was having the worst time of my life haha. Also, most of my best friends from high school are not just that. I've known them since I was 6 years old and we went to school together for the majority of our lives, so we have a closeness that is untouchable. And my dear friends from college, we got really close, really fast. They were there as I transitioned from teenager to adult, so one could say that's pretty important. I'm in no way going to let these relationships go due to any geographical differences. 

My chicks from 1st grade on.

In high school I'd see my friends 5 days a week for a least a few hours a day. In college, my friends lived within a 10 block radius. And now things are different all over again. One of my best friends whose room was right below mine in college is now living in Haiti. And such is life, situations and opportunities change, and you've just gotta roll with it. You have to trust that the relationships and bonds you've established with people can survive at any distance. You might not have the same type of relationship you had in college or high school, but if you are true friends, whenever you get together, you'll be able to pick up right where you left off.  

Office Edge

Hey hey. So I thought I'd write about tattoos and piercings and colored hair and that sort of thing. How is a professional office look defined? Who regulates it? Is it generational? Or will these limitations change as the Millennial Generation transitions from an entry level worker to CEO?

Speaking for myself, I really like tattoos. I think they can be a really cool expression of art and a person's personality and soul. I got my first tattoo 4 months ago, and I love it! It's my middle name, Emem, which means peace, with what I like to think is a very artistic peace sign at the end of it. It's only about 2 inches long. I got it in a place where if I want you to see it, you will, and if I don't, you won't. I did this for a few reasons. My parents raised me to be conservative in some regards. They always warn me about making things harder for myself than they have to be. They are hesitant about me doing anything to give anyone any room to discredit me for any reason, in any scenario, especially a professional one. My mom's a little better about it than my dad. My dad is the Nigerian parent, so we just have a lot of cultural differences.

This is the best picture I can find where you can kind of see my tattoo. Right along my right shoulder. 

But anyway, even though I felt pretty secure about the appropriateness and acceptability of my tattoo by my own and other people's potential standards, when I went on an interview last week, I found myself worrying about whether or not my interviewer would dislike me because of it. On retrospect, it was a pretty silly worry because I specifically got my tattoo in a location where it wouldn't be noticeable in an office setting, wearing office attire (you know, thick straps, sweaters, that stuff).

Even though I think we are slowly progressing every day as a society to be one that is accepting of the differences of others, there is still a distinct stigma associated with tattoos, piercings, and other body modifications. And I confess that I have been guilty of casting judgement in these areas. I grew up thinking that doctors, lawyers, and business executives had a very "straight edge" look. It's not considered professional to have blue hair. If you ask anyone why not, you'd get a better answer than "just because." Eccentric, or I daresay just different, is seldom accepted as "professional".

An example of a professional that's all tatted up. I just google imaged "tattooed doctor" haha, so I don't know if it's real, but the thought behind it is inspiring! 

I also have 6 ear piercings, but I generally think that's pretty casual. I had no reservations wearing all of them when I worked at various jobs in college. These were technically professional jobs (at Johns Hopkins University and Hospital), but for some reason I felt a little more lax there because I was still a college student I guess. But now, I definitely want people to see me as a real adult, and don't want to give them a reason not to. Perhaps I have my parents' voices in the back of my head. So at an interview I only wear one lobe piercing on each side, just in case my interviewer is super old school and conservative. I guess that's the cautious way to go about it. But I do still wear cool shoes though - can't have anyone thinking I'm vanilla.

And lastly, we have hair. I've experimented a little bit with dyeing my hair, but I'm definitely still a n00b. I dyed my hair the first time right before my senior year of college. I got some reddish brown highlighted streaks in my hair.

This is the picture where you can see the color the best, with my face doing that. I know, I know.

Since then, I've dyed it yet again but now it's just a dark brown (it's a lot harder to dye dreads, I've learned). So nothing too crazy over here. But what if I died my hair pink? Would I be able to get a professional job that does not necessarily cater to creativity and self expression? If not, is it just because my hair isn't "normal"? That seems pretty weird to me when I really think about it. But at the same time, if I walked into a building and the receptionist had bright purple hair, I'd wonder about how lax that business was - I guess it's an ingrained part of the way we've been socialized.

All in all, everyone should feel comfortable expressing themselves, as long as they aren't hurting anyone in the process. So it's up to you to decide if how far you're willing to go against the grain within a professional environment in order to fully embrace your own creativity. It's also up to you to decide how willing you are to tone yourself down in order to fit the mold of whichever established professional environment you want to be a part of.

Living with the Parents: Is It Worth It?

Like many 20-somethings, I have been grappling with the benefits and limitations of living at home with my parents. On one hand, it's free shelter, free food, free wifi, and free cable. Also, my parents sweat me pretty hard, so it's nice getting bear hugs and having someone tell you you're pretty every day. These things are nice for the self esteem and also for the recent college graduate looking for a job.

On the other hand, I share a wall with my parents. As you can imagine, sometimes this is not pleasant. Also, I am typically stuck in my house because I am car-less. Long story short - my parked car, Scar, named after Simba's uncle, was hit by a police car that was chasing some fool. The replacement car that was purchased was sent to my family in Nigeria, so obviously I was not going to be a brat and complain that I wasn't given another car. My parents were kind enough to get me a car in high school, so if I want another one, I'll get it myself. 

If I end up getting a job in Baltimore and continue living at home, a car is pretty necessary. There are a whopping 3 bus lines that are near my house. In order to get anywhere that a person would actually desire to go, it takes about an hour. So then you have to decide whether or not you are willing to spend an entire hour riding to a place that is a 13 minute drive away. I am usually not willing. Especially when it's cold as the dickens outside. 

This means that I basically leave my house when one of my friends or cousins is willing to scoop me (read: save me). Or my parents. But I see my parents all the time. I've now been home for about 2 and 1/2 months. Since high school graduation the only time that I've lived at home for this amount of time is summer vacation, which is the case for most 20-somethings. The 3 month marker is coming up in a couple weeks. Can my adult self survive in this environment past that point? 

You may be wondering why I speak of this environment as something that I need to escape. I've got the perfect set up right? Wrong. My parents have repeatedly told me they can't help but to think of me as a 15 year old girl. I think it's my cheeks. They're adorable, and that's just not my fault. The point is, I don't think this is a natural set up. I believe I've reached a point where I should be able to function on my own. I don't think I can really start my growing up process if I don't get out there and figure things out for myself. Especially considering the fact that I went to college in my hometown (though I did live on campus) and my time in AmeriCorps was cut short due to my inability let myself continue to endure torture, I really do need to get out on my own. 

The weary adult (my parents, older cousins, aunts, uncles, etc...) is continuously imploring how financially rewarding it would be for me to live at home for a few years and save some money. I totally understand the concept, but I truly believe my mental health might suffer if I continue to live at home. Ultimately it is my adult decision that I must make by myself - stay at home and save money, or move out and finally be on my own. I am so grateful to have my parents as a support system, and I don't know where I would be today if not for their support throughout my entire life. But in my brain, my current situation is a temporary one, and I think that's the way it has to be. 

Will I kick myself years down the road? Will my need for independence and liberation end up hindering me? I know no one can really answer that for me, and I can't either. It's just a chance I have to be willing and ready to take. 

Words You Want to Hear and Words You Don't

You're hired! 

The amount of joy these two words can bring a human being is immeasurable. I went for my first interview in NYC this week, and I was hired. Crazy right!? She didn't actually say the words "you're hired." I think she said something along the lines of "we'd love to have you work with us," which is even more pleasing.

But let's rewind. I've sent in A LOT of emails and applications to different firms and companies in Baltimore and DC, and some in New York. This was actually the first job I applied to in New York, and my first call for an interview, and subsequently my first job offer. Before that I was wallowing in a world of self-pity and desperation feeling rejected at every turn. This is way different from college applications. The average person applies to 10 schools max I think (I applied to 15 because I was unnecessarily paranoid). You have your reach, attainable, and safety schools. Unfortunately with jobs, a "safety" job may not necessarily give you the ability to pay the rent, eat 3 meals a day, and have running water. So you have to aim big. Not to mention, you didn't spend 4 years struggling through hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of lectures and exams not to attain that "reach" job. You've worked hard, so you want the best benefit you can manage. Also with school applications, your rejection seems more finite because you receive a rejection letter. If a company doesn't want you, most of the time you just don't hear back from them. I didn't hear back from DSW, and I won't lie, I was a little offended haha.

I was offered a job working with a marketing firm in Manhattan, and needless to say, I was ecstatic. But then reality set in and I was forced to employ adult decision making abilities. Even though this position seems that it could be a perfect fit, being able to support myself on my own is very important to me. If my parents have to support me for the first 2 months that I am living "on my own," I feel that that would essentially defeat the purpose. New York is an extremely expensive place to live, so if I choose to live there, I think it's my responsibility to make sure I can live there, not my parents or anyone else's.

                                                     
That being said, I have decided that I want to live in New York, so I'm going to work very hard to make sure it can be a reality. Being offered a job in such a vast, vibrant city that I'm so excited to explore, has given me the confidence to persevere through my search in the hopes of finding a job that I will love and will give me ability to support myself.

I still have a lot of avenues to explore. Finding a place to live, then finding a job that will support me living in said place. I'm doing my best to exhaust all of my resources. I typically like to be a self sufficient person and maintain my independence. But now is not the time. This is the time for networking, asking for favors, and letting people help you. It's crazy how much people can actually want to help you. When I went up to New York this week for my interview I stayed with two friends, one from college and one from AmeriCorps. They gave me food and shelter and invaluable lessons on how to use the subway. Another friend printed and brought my resume to a bar in a manila envelope because I forgot to handle it before I left home. Life saver, that girl. I'm forever grateful to these friends, and the ones who have helped me in the past, and those who'll help me in the future.

                                             Me and my friend Emily in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

I've still got some stuff to figure out, but I honestly feel like I'm finally on my way, and that's such an exciting feeling! But for real, adult/life decisions are no joke... I'm gonna do my best.

Be Comfortable with Your Natural Self!

Over the last few decades, it seems that Black women have been going through a hair revolution but the movement has been especially strong over the past few years. More and more women have committed to rocking their natural hair. I personally did the big chop in February of 2011. I can't believe it's already been three years! For those who don't know, "the big chop" is when you cut off all of your relaxed (or chemically processed hair) and your natural hair remains. I was left with a teenie weenie afro which got bigger and bigger - I just started locking my hair in September. I'm pretty ecstatic about it!

This can a very trying process for women. Hair is such a symbol of a woman's attractiveness. For decades, Black women have chemically straightened their hair in attempt to be closer to a certain standard of beauty - a standard maintained by the White woman with long flowing hair. In the 70's Black women proudly picked their afros, going right along with the Black Power Movement. In the 80's and 90's we tapered back into processed hairstyles. This millennium has brought back pride in natural hair. We see Black celebrities wearing their natural hair on the red carpet. This is big!

As much as we like to believe that our lives aren't shaped by what celebrities do, they do have the power to make a big influence on the general public. There was a time when people felt very strongly that Black women and men (particularly men with dread locs) should not wear such hairstyles in the office because they are not professional. I said "there was a time," but I'll be candid, in many places that mind frame still pervades.

It is hard for many to see natural Black hair as a professional representation of a woman. This is why I am so glad to see that so many prominent women proudly wearing their natural hair. For example,

                                                                      YaYa DeCosta

                                                                            Alicia Keys

                                                                       Solange Knowles

                                                                          Janelle Monae

                                                                                 Lauryn Hill

                                                                               Tracee Ellis Ross

                                                                       
                                                                                 Lisa Bonet

                                                                         Tempestt Bledsoe

                                                                               Erykah Badu

                                                                                Kelis

There's a lot of talk about "good hair" and how it's easier for women with good hair to go natural. This is the same fundamental problem. I really wish that Black women with every range of hair type could feel confident about their hair and themselves. I think if we see more Black women in positions of power, and not just celebrity, wearing their natural hair, there could be a trickle down effect. If we saw women like Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey wearing a twist out or bantu knots - how crazy would that be?!

When I cut my hair and when I started to lock my hair, I did not think of any professional repercussions. According to my parents that should have been part of my decision. I understand where they're coming from. If I run into an employer who has yet to jump on the progressive band wagon and thinks my hair is inappropriate, then perhaps that is not someone for whom I would I like to work. Or maybe I could just sue them? That could be fun.. haha. I made my hair decisions based completely on me and how I feel about myself. I wanted the freedom to rock my hair the way it was naturally intended to be rocked. I still remember the feeling after my big chop. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And that was true. The burden to conform to certain standard that was not my natural self was then removed and I've never looked back since!

A lot of my friends have joined team natural since high school. Once I get a picture of us all together with our natural hair, I'll be sure to post a picture.