Practical Dream Job vs. DREAM DREAM Job

I'm not sure if it's just me, but when I think about my future, I see three routes. The first is my practical dream job, which is to become a lawyer, specifically practicing health law. The second option would be to own my own magazine - I have a very specific audience I would like to reach with this magazine which I will not disclose here in case I decide to go for it one day. This is my DREAM DREAM job. The third scenario would occur if world peace were achieved and everyone loved each other and there were rainbows every day and each child had puppy to play with. This job, if you can even call it that, is the job of being a princess. I'm not kidding. If someone told me my father was actually a prince and I had to go back to his homeland to rule as princess, a la Princess Diaries, there would be no movie. I would be on a plane in the first five minutes.

None of my dream jobs are easily achievable. My lawyer dream is going to take an incomprehensible amount of hard work and dedication, coupled with an equally unbelievable amount of student loans. My parents so graciously helped me pay for undergraduate school and after that I am on my own. Further schooling is my decision and will be my debt to pay. I'm really not looking forward to that. I often fantasize about my life as a future lawyer, being one small player who can hopefully create big changes. I think that the future of our country in terms of its health and well-being depends greatly upon policies and legislation put forth concerning health care. Learning about health disparities in Baltimore City also propelled a desire to be in a position to effect policies that compromise the health of minorities and those with low socioeconomic statuses. The best way I could see myself effecting change in this way is to achieve a dual degree (J.D./M.P.H.), so that is my current goal.

But in the back of my mind, despite knowing that my lawyer dream is a practical one that could yield positive and effective results for myself and others, I can't help but think about my more creative side. Though I have no experience writing for any published media like a school paper, writing is one of my strongest passions. I love writing short stories, and hope to write a novel one day. I've just discovered the grandeur of blogging and I'm glad I did. So my dream of owning my own magazine stems from a place of mingled entities. I think that high self esteem is one of the most important tools a young girl or young woman can equip herself with. Self esteem is important for everyone, but young girls and women who are discovering their changing bodies, discovery sexuality, discovering boys, discovering self-consciousness - their self-esteem is constantly at a tipping point. I think that young women glean a lot from magazines. They are an accessible gateway to make up and fashion, celebrities and trends. As much as these things may not technically rule the world, everyone can accept that your average 14 year old girl will be entranced by them. I think each and every little girl deserves the right to look in a magazine and see a beautiful woman who looks like her, to reinforce the fact that she, herself, is beautiful.

Now obviously there would be more to my magazine than that, but I won't delve into all of that here. Alas, this is one of dreams, combining my love of fashion, celebrities who earn the right to be loved and inspirational, writing, and all things aesthetically pleasing. But this is not the practical route. There is no security blanket, nothing to tell me if this could be a sure bet. I would love to say it's not about money but it partially is. I want to be able to take care of my family the way they have taken care of me and beyond. My parents are still paying off my college loans and will be for a while, is it worth it to take the gamble on a career path that I'm not sure will produce the results I want? Maybe this magazine (or online magazine) could be something I begin after I've accomplished all I want from the legal field, but by then it might be too late.

I'm thinking a lot about this now as I bravely continue my job search. I have started applying to positions that I am genuinely interested in, not just jobs that will be a stepping stone towards my practical dream job. Part of me is nervous that if I get my foot in the door with a company more along the lines of my DREAM DREAM job then that's the path I'll take, leaving all my law school research and LSAT studying behind. Is that such a bad thing? It could be totally worth it. I have to keep in my mind that I'm 22, well 23 next month, but that's still young. There's so much of the world that I haven't experienced, and now is the time, if any, to go soak it all in. For now, I'm going to allow myself to apply for these jobs that sound "fun" and see what happens. I don't want to limit myself, and miss my big break, or my golden opportunity, or my dream job that could come from a dream that I didn't even know I had.

Making the Decision to Live at Home

So a big decision has been made. After months of job searching, soul searching, and financial analyses, I have made the decision to live at home with my parents until I go to law school. This choice brings my job search back to the Baltimore radius, but I think it may have its benefits. I have more connections and contacts here. My "who you know" is definitely more extensive here than anywhere else, so hopefully that means that I'll be offered a job at a place that suits my needs sometime soon. (I'm using every fiber of my being to optimistic. It's hard out here.)

I've been going back and forth about the benefits of living at home or trying to find employment elsewhere for some time now. I've talked to my parents, other family, and friends to get their advice. I've made numerous pros and cons lists. I have genuinely attempted to peer down into the depths of my soul to see what I truly wanted.

After a fight I had with my mother (classic, and I guess will become even more classic for the next couple years) we had a productive talk about, well, my life. We discussed the main reason I didn't want to live at home: lack of independence. As it stands now, I share a wall with my parents. It takes to long to get to places from our house that your typical 22 year old would want to visit. I am jobless, therefore essentially penniless, so if I want something that is not already in my home I have to ask my parents to buy it for me.

These are just not the conditions I wanted to experience after college. But my mother so wisely reminded me that these conditions are not permanent. They're temporary until I have a job. Then, I will be able to finally feel like I have more control in my life. I'll be able to start paying off my student loans, get a car, prepare for putting myself through law school, and be able to do things with my friends again like I used to and not turn down trips to the aquarium because I can't afford it (real life struggles).

The most economically pressing items in that list are student loans from undergraduate school and the future student loans I will accrue while attending law school. When I took a look at the thousands and thousands of dollars my education has and will cost me, it was clear that spending money on an apartment, groceries, wifi, and other things of that nature just wasn't the best idea.

It's true some of my friends have made the leap of living on their own, and I definitely envy their independence and gusto, however, each situation is different. Not all of my friends have student loans. Not all of my friends are planning to put themselves through law school in the near future. So it was important that I took a step back and stopped comparing my life to other people's and really focused on what would be best for me.

I also thought about the fact that a lot of people in their early 20's perfect the art of scraping by and miraculously managing to make ends meet. Not only can I not stomach the thought of being that destitute after being AmeriCorps and living life below the poverty line, but I know that that caliber of a hard time is guaranteed to be ahead me when I finance my way through law school. It seems the best option is to save money so that the me of a few years from now can look back and thank the current me for making the decision to be fiscally responsible in exchange for some personal liberties.

Now that I've fully committed to being at home, I can stop treating my time here as a transitional period and really settle in. I started to redecorate my room when I first came back from AmeriCorps but I stopped because I kept telling myself that I wouldn't be here for long so it didn't matter. But now I've joined the gym with my mother, and I'll be taking over most of the grocery shopping, so I can be in charge of getting my family's health back on track, which is something that I'm really excited about. So even though I still want to explore and experience living long term in another city that isn't Baltimore, I still have those options ahead of me. I don't know where law school will take me, so that's an adventure that I can look forward to. For now, I'm going to put my best foot forward and try to capitalize on my home field advantage.

P.S. My parents are trying to play it cool, but they are ridiculously ecstatic. I told y'all, they sweat me, haha.