Office Edge

Hey hey. So I thought I'd write about tattoos and piercings and colored hair and that sort of thing. How is a professional office look defined? Who regulates it? Is it generational? Or will these limitations change as the Millennial Generation transitions from an entry level worker to CEO?

Speaking for myself, I really like tattoos. I think they can be a really cool expression of art and a person's personality and soul. I got my first tattoo 4 months ago, and I love it! It's my middle name, Emem, which means peace, with what I like to think is a very artistic peace sign at the end of it. It's only about 2 inches long. I got it in a place where if I want you to see it, you will, and if I don't, you won't. I did this for a few reasons. My parents raised me to be conservative in some regards. They always warn me about making things harder for myself than they have to be. They are hesitant about me doing anything to give anyone any room to discredit me for any reason, in any scenario, especially a professional one. My mom's a little better about it than my dad. My dad is the Nigerian parent, so we just have a lot of cultural differences.

This is the best picture I can find where you can kind of see my tattoo. Right along my right shoulder. 

But anyway, even though I felt pretty secure about the appropriateness and acceptability of my tattoo by my own and other people's potential standards, when I went on an interview last week, I found myself worrying about whether or not my interviewer would dislike me because of it. On retrospect, it was a pretty silly worry because I specifically got my tattoo in a location where it wouldn't be noticeable in an office setting, wearing office attire (you know, thick straps, sweaters, that stuff).

Even though I think we are slowly progressing every day as a society to be one that is accepting of the differences of others, there is still a distinct stigma associated with tattoos, piercings, and other body modifications. And I confess that I have been guilty of casting judgement in these areas. I grew up thinking that doctors, lawyers, and business executives had a very "straight edge" look. It's not considered professional to have blue hair. If you ask anyone why not, you'd get a better answer than "just because." Eccentric, or I daresay just different, is seldom accepted as "professional".

An example of a professional that's all tatted up. I just google imaged "tattooed doctor" haha, so I don't know if it's real, but the thought behind it is inspiring! 

I also have 6 ear piercings, but I generally think that's pretty casual. I had no reservations wearing all of them when I worked at various jobs in college. These were technically professional jobs (at Johns Hopkins University and Hospital), but for some reason I felt a little more lax there because I was still a college student I guess. But now, I definitely want people to see me as a real adult, and don't want to give them a reason not to. Perhaps I have my parents' voices in the back of my head. So at an interview I only wear one lobe piercing on each side, just in case my interviewer is super old school and conservative. I guess that's the cautious way to go about it. But I do still wear cool shoes though - can't have anyone thinking I'm vanilla.

And lastly, we have hair. I've experimented a little bit with dyeing my hair, but I'm definitely still a n00b. I dyed my hair the first time right before my senior year of college. I got some reddish brown highlighted streaks in my hair.

This is the picture where you can see the color the best, with my face doing that. I know, I know.

Since then, I've dyed it yet again but now it's just a dark brown (it's a lot harder to dye dreads, I've learned). So nothing too crazy over here. But what if I died my hair pink? Would I be able to get a professional job that does not necessarily cater to creativity and self expression? If not, is it just because my hair isn't "normal"? That seems pretty weird to me when I really think about it. But at the same time, if I walked into a building and the receptionist had bright purple hair, I'd wonder about how lax that business was - I guess it's an ingrained part of the way we've been socialized.

All in all, everyone should feel comfortable expressing themselves, as long as they aren't hurting anyone in the process. So it's up to you to decide if how far you're willing to go against the grain within a professional environment in order to fully embrace your own creativity. It's also up to you to decide how willing you are to tone yourself down in order to fit the mold of whichever established professional environment you want to be a part of.

Living with the Parents: Is It Worth It?

Like many 20-somethings, I have been grappling with the benefits and limitations of living at home with my parents. On one hand, it's free shelter, free food, free wifi, and free cable. Also, my parents sweat me pretty hard, so it's nice getting bear hugs and having someone tell you you're pretty every day. These things are nice for the self esteem and also for the recent college graduate looking for a job.

On the other hand, I share a wall with my parents. As you can imagine, sometimes this is not pleasant. Also, I am typically stuck in my house because I am car-less. Long story short - my parked car, Scar, named after Simba's uncle, was hit by a police car that was chasing some fool. The replacement car that was purchased was sent to my family in Nigeria, so obviously I was not going to be a brat and complain that I wasn't given another car. My parents were kind enough to get me a car in high school, so if I want another one, I'll get it myself. 

If I end up getting a job in Baltimore and continue living at home, a car is pretty necessary. There are a whopping 3 bus lines that are near my house. In order to get anywhere that a person would actually desire to go, it takes about an hour. So then you have to decide whether or not you are willing to spend an entire hour riding to a place that is a 13 minute drive away. I am usually not willing. Especially when it's cold as the dickens outside. 

This means that I basically leave my house when one of my friends or cousins is willing to scoop me (read: save me). Or my parents. But I see my parents all the time. I've now been home for about 2 and 1/2 months. Since high school graduation the only time that I've lived at home for this amount of time is summer vacation, which is the case for most 20-somethings. The 3 month marker is coming up in a couple weeks. Can my adult self survive in this environment past that point? 

You may be wondering why I speak of this environment as something that I need to escape. I've got the perfect set up right? Wrong. My parents have repeatedly told me they can't help but to think of me as a 15 year old girl. I think it's my cheeks. They're adorable, and that's just not my fault. The point is, I don't think this is a natural set up. I believe I've reached a point where I should be able to function on my own. I don't think I can really start my growing up process if I don't get out there and figure things out for myself. Especially considering the fact that I went to college in my hometown (though I did live on campus) and my time in AmeriCorps was cut short due to my inability let myself continue to endure torture, I really do need to get out on my own. 

The weary adult (my parents, older cousins, aunts, uncles, etc...) is continuously imploring how financially rewarding it would be for me to live at home for a few years and save some money. I totally understand the concept, but I truly believe my mental health might suffer if I continue to live at home. Ultimately it is my adult decision that I must make by myself - stay at home and save money, or move out and finally be on my own. I am so grateful to have my parents as a support system, and I don't know where I would be today if not for their support throughout my entire life. But in my brain, my current situation is a temporary one, and I think that's the way it has to be. 

Will I kick myself years down the road? Will my need for independence and liberation end up hindering me? I know no one can really answer that for me, and I can't either. It's just a chance I have to be willing and ready to take. 

Words You Want to Hear and Words You Don't

You're hired! 

The amount of joy these two words can bring a human being is immeasurable. I went for my first interview in NYC this week, and I was hired. Crazy right!? She didn't actually say the words "you're hired." I think she said something along the lines of "we'd love to have you work with us," which is even more pleasing.

But let's rewind. I've sent in A LOT of emails and applications to different firms and companies in Baltimore and DC, and some in New York. This was actually the first job I applied to in New York, and my first call for an interview, and subsequently my first job offer. Before that I was wallowing in a world of self-pity and desperation feeling rejected at every turn. This is way different from college applications. The average person applies to 10 schools max I think (I applied to 15 because I was unnecessarily paranoid). You have your reach, attainable, and safety schools. Unfortunately with jobs, a "safety" job may not necessarily give you the ability to pay the rent, eat 3 meals a day, and have running water. So you have to aim big. Not to mention, you didn't spend 4 years struggling through hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of lectures and exams not to attain that "reach" job. You've worked hard, so you want the best benefit you can manage. Also with school applications, your rejection seems more finite because you receive a rejection letter. If a company doesn't want you, most of the time you just don't hear back from them. I didn't hear back from DSW, and I won't lie, I was a little offended haha.

I was offered a job working with a marketing firm in Manhattan, and needless to say, I was ecstatic. But then reality set in and I was forced to employ adult decision making abilities. Even though this position seems that it could be a perfect fit, being able to support myself on my own is very important to me. If my parents have to support me for the first 2 months that I am living "on my own," I feel that that would essentially defeat the purpose. New York is an extremely expensive place to live, so if I choose to live there, I think it's my responsibility to make sure I can live there, not my parents or anyone else's.

                                                     
That being said, I have decided that I want to live in New York, so I'm going to work very hard to make sure it can be a reality. Being offered a job in such a vast, vibrant city that I'm so excited to explore, has given me the confidence to persevere through my search in the hopes of finding a job that I will love and will give me ability to support myself.

I still have a lot of avenues to explore. Finding a place to live, then finding a job that will support me living in said place. I'm doing my best to exhaust all of my resources. I typically like to be a self sufficient person and maintain my independence. But now is not the time. This is the time for networking, asking for favors, and letting people help you. It's crazy how much people can actually want to help you. When I went up to New York this week for my interview I stayed with two friends, one from college and one from AmeriCorps. They gave me food and shelter and invaluable lessons on how to use the subway. Another friend printed and brought my resume to a bar in a manila envelope because I forgot to handle it before I left home. Life saver, that girl. I'm forever grateful to these friends, and the ones who have helped me in the past, and those who'll help me in the future.

                                             Me and my friend Emily in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

I've still got some stuff to figure out, but I honestly feel like I'm finally on my way, and that's such an exciting feeling! But for real, adult/life decisions are no joke... I'm gonna do my best.

Be Comfortable with Your Natural Self!

Over the last few decades, it seems that Black women have been going through a hair revolution but the movement has been especially strong over the past few years. More and more women have committed to rocking their natural hair. I personally did the big chop in February of 2011. I can't believe it's already been three years! For those who don't know, "the big chop" is when you cut off all of your relaxed (or chemically processed hair) and your natural hair remains. I was left with a teenie weenie afro which got bigger and bigger - I just started locking my hair in September. I'm pretty ecstatic about it!

This can a very trying process for women. Hair is such a symbol of a woman's attractiveness. For decades, Black women have chemically straightened their hair in attempt to be closer to a certain standard of beauty - a standard maintained by the White woman with long flowing hair. In the 70's Black women proudly picked their afros, going right along with the Black Power Movement. In the 80's and 90's we tapered back into processed hairstyles. This millennium has brought back pride in natural hair. We see Black celebrities wearing their natural hair on the red carpet. This is big!

As much as we like to believe that our lives aren't shaped by what celebrities do, they do have the power to make a big influence on the general public. There was a time when people felt very strongly that Black women and men (particularly men with dread locs) should not wear such hairstyles in the office because they are not professional. I said "there was a time," but I'll be candid, in many places that mind frame still pervades.

It is hard for many to see natural Black hair as a professional representation of a woman. This is why I am so glad to see that so many prominent women proudly wearing their natural hair. For example,

                                                                      YaYa DeCosta

                                                                            Alicia Keys

                                                                       Solange Knowles

                                                                          Janelle Monae

                                                                                 Lauryn Hill

                                                                               Tracee Ellis Ross

                                                                       
                                                                                 Lisa Bonet

                                                                         Tempestt Bledsoe

                                                                               Erykah Badu

                                                                                Kelis

There's a lot of talk about "good hair" and how it's easier for women with good hair to go natural. This is the same fundamental problem. I really wish that Black women with every range of hair type could feel confident about their hair and themselves. I think if we see more Black women in positions of power, and not just celebrity, wearing their natural hair, there could be a trickle down effect. If we saw women like Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey wearing a twist out or bantu knots - how crazy would that be?!

When I cut my hair and when I started to lock my hair, I did not think of any professional repercussions. According to my parents that should have been part of my decision. I understand where they're coming from. If I run into an employer who has yet to jump on the progressive band wagon and thinks my hair is inappropriate, then perhaps that is not someone for whom I would I like to work. Or maybe I could just sue them? That could be fun.. haha. I made my hair decisions based completely on me and how I feel about myself. I wanted the freedom to rock my hair the way it was naturally intended to be rocked. I still remember the feeling after my big chop. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And that was true. The burden to conform to certain standard that was not my natural self was then removed and I've never looked back since!

A lot of my friends have joined team natural since high school. Once I get a picture of us all together with our natural hair, I'll be sure to post a picture.